Jokes Masti

Racing horses

2009-05-16T01:25:00.000-07:00

Some race horses were staying in a stable. One of them starts to boast about his track record. “In the last 15 races, I’ve won 8 of them!”

Another horse breaks in, “Well in the last 27 races, I’ve won 19!!”

“Oh that’s good, but in the last 36 races, I’ve won 28!”, says another, flicking his tail.

At this point, they notice that a greyhound dog has been sitting there listening. “I don’t mean to boast,” says the greyhound, “But in my last 90 races, I’ve won 88 of them!”

The horses are clearly amazed. “Wow!” says one, after a hushed silence. “A talking dog.”

Final Examination

2009-05-15T00:14:00.000-07:00

Santa reported for his university final examination, which consists of “Yes/No” type questions. He takes his seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes his purse out, removes a coin and starts tossing it, marking the answer sheet yes for heads and no for tails.

Within half an hour he is all done whereas the rest of the class is sweating it out. During the last few minutes, he is seen desperately flipping the coin, muttering and sweating.

The moderator, alarmed, approaches his and asks what is going on?

Santa replies, “I’m rechecking my answers and I don’t think I did very good.”

The dangerous of all

2009-05-15T00:11:00.000-07:00

A dietician was once addressing a large audience in Chicago. “The material we put into our stomach is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago.

“Red meat is awful. Soft drinks erode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. Vegetables can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water.

“But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all have, or will, eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?”

A old man in the front row stood up and said, “Wedding Cake!

Car puncture

2009-05-13T01:12:00.001-07:00

Baap bete se: Car mein puncture kaise ho gaya?

Beta: Sadak par bottle padi thi.

Baap: Bottel dikhayi nahi di tujhe!

Beta: Ladke ki jeb mein thi.

Man and woman worries

2009-05-13T01:10:00.000-07:00

Two friend are talking about different issues. Suddenly one asked to another “Do you know about the worries of Man and Woman?”

Another friend replied, “NO.”

Then the friend replied, “A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.“

Preety woman

2009-05-13T01:09:00.001-07:00

Once a man went to the priest and asked, “Why did God make women so preety? The preist replied “So that you will love them“.

The man asked again, “But why did God make them so dumb?”

Preist replied again, “So that they will love you.”

Bank account did the job

2009-05-13T01:07:00.000-07:00

A girl proposed a boy but the boy does not respond to her. After many days suddenly the boy called the girl and asks to meet him as he like her very much.

The girl became confused and asked the boy, “What Happened ? After so many days you accepted my proposal.”

The boy replied, “Today your father came to our bank and opened a new account, so I did not delay!!

Milepost 499

2009-05-13T01:06:00.001-07:00

A man did accident and Police asked, where is a location of the accident?

The man replied, “approximately near milepost 499.”

Police asked again,”Where is milepost 499?”

The man replied again,”Probably between milepost 498 and 500.”

Dumb kid

2009-05-13T01:05:00.001-07:00

A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his Customer, “This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you.”

The barber puts a dollar in one hand and two quarters in the other,

then calls the boy over and asks, “Which do you want, son?”

The boy takes the quarters and leaves.

“What did I tell you?” said the barber. “That kid never learns!”

Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store. “Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar?”

The boy licked his cone and replied, “Because the day I take the dollar, the game’s over!”

Secret of a happy life

2009-05-13T01:01:00.000-07:00

Once X asked Y, “What is the secret behind your happy married life?”

Y said, “You should share responsibilities with due love and respect to each other. Then absolutely there will be no problems.”

X asked, “Can you explain?”

Y said, “In my house, I take decisions on bigger issues where as my wife decides on smaller issues. We do not interfere in each others decisions.”

Still not convinced, X asked Y “Give me some examples”

Y said, “Smaller issues like which car we should buy, how much amount to save, when to visit home town, which Sofa, air conditioner, refrigerator to buy, monthly expenses, whether to keep a maid or not etc are decided by my wife. I just agree to it”

X asked, “Then what is your role?”

Y said, “My decisions are only for very big issues. Like whether America should attack Iraq, whether Britain should lift sanction over Zimbabwe, whether to widen African economy, whether Tendulkar should retire etc. Do you know one thing, my wife NEVER objects to any of these”.

i wish

2009-05-12T06:21:00.001-07:00

Wife - I wish I was your book so that I could be in front of your eyes constantly.

Husband - Oh, I wish you were a calendar which I could replace every year.

badi ho kar kya karogi?

2009-05-12T06:20:00.000-07:00

Mom:Beti badi ho kar kya karogi?

Beti: Kuch nahin... Maan banungi, padhungi, shaadi karungi... aur kya?

Mom: Jo karna hai karo par zara serial order mein karna.

girls hostel

2009-05-12T06:19:00.000-07:00

PRINCIPAL: Agar koi ladka girls hostel mein
gaya toh first time 100 Rs fine,
2nd time 200 Rs. Fine and 3rd time 500.

JEETU BHAI: Monthly paas ka kya lega Mamu

husband wife

2009-05-12T06:18:00.000-07:00

Wife: Darling today is our anniversary, what should we do?

Husband: Let us stand in silence for 2 minutes.

entimental love cards

2009-05-12T06:17:00.002-07:00

Gal: Do u have any sentimental love cards?

Shopkeeper: How about this card, it says 'To the only boy I ever loved'

Gal: Great! I want 10 of them.

ladka pasand aaya

2009-05-12T06:17:00.001-07:00

Mom: Tujhe ladka pasand aaya ho to baat agey chalayen.

Girl: Ladka to theek hai but mota hai.

Mom: TV chahe 14" ka ho ya 29" ka, remote 6" ka hi hota hai.

wife

2009-05-12T06:16:00.001-07:00

Wife: Kya kar rahe ho?

Man: Makkhiya maar rha hu.

Wife: Kitni mari?

Man: 3 male aur 2 female.

Wife: Kaise malum?

Man: Kyonki 3 daru ki botal se chipki thi or 2 phone se...

character

2009-05-12T06:15:00.000-07:00

Teacher: Agar apna character sudharna hai to sab auraton ko MAA kaha karo.

Student: Madam is se mera character to theek rahega, par mere baap ka bigad jayega.

Rabri laalu

2009-05-12T06:14:00.001-07:00

Rabri: Ka karat ho?

Laalu: Ek dost ko chitthi likhat hu!

Rabri: Par tuhar likhna to aawe nahi.

Laalu: Vo sasura bhi to padhna nahi jaanat.

Lady drinking coke

2009-05-12T06:13:00.002-07:00

Lady drinking coke, machhar falls in.

Lady takes it out, machhar says "MAA"!

Lady asks why did you call me "MAA"?

machhar says, "Main teri coke se nikla hoon, MAA!"..

dadi ki shaadi

2009-05-12T06:13:00.001-07:00

Maalik: Ramu, iss saal tum 4 bar apne dada ke marne ki chutti le chuke ho.

Ramu: Maalik, iss bar meri dadi ki shaadi hai.

about SEX

2009-05-12T06:12:00.001-07:00

Mother to Teenage Daughter : “I think its time that we should talk about SEX.”

Daughter : “Yes Mom, What do You want to know ?”

New Teacher

2009-05-12T06:11:00.000-07:00

New Teacher: All Students Tell Your Name And Hobbies

Boys : I M Mike & My Hobby Is Watching Bubble In Bath Tub,
I M Vijay & My Hobby Is Watching Bubble In Bath Tub,
I M Rahul & My Hobby Is Watching Bubble In Bath Tub.

Teacher: h All Boys Have Same Hobbies. Ok, Now Girls

Girl : My Name Is Bubble

DOCTOR

2009-05-12T06:08:00.002-07:00

DOCTOR: BAchEy 2 he Achey..Waise ApKe kitne Bachey hain??

LADY: Pehle tu 2 he thei Lekin JAbSe IshtehAr dekhA hy to Achey ki TALAsh mEi 10 hogAyE hai

Bed Room

2009-05-12T06:08:00.001-07:00

Girl: Janu Kahan se baat kar rahay ho?

Boy: Bed Room se razai k ander se,

GIRL: Wahan signal aatay hain kya?

BOY: Han mera personal TOWER jo KHARA Hai….!

Kela Kesy Dega?

2009-05-12T06:07:00.001-07:00

Lady 2nd Floor se banana wale ko dekh kr pochti hai
” Kela Kesy Dega? ”

Banana wala, mem sahab 8 me 12

Lady,7 me 13 Longi deta hai to Upar aaja….

Ladki psand aayi

2009-05-12T06:05:00.002-07:00

Baap: kyu beta ladki psand aayi tumhe?

Beta: papa ladki to bahut moti hai

Baap: Beta ghar kitna bhi bada ho, Darwaaza chhota hi hota hai!

Good girl & BAD girl

2009-05-12T06:05:00.001-07:00

Difference between Good girl & BAD girl

Good girl Open a few buttons in hot atmosphere but

bad girl open all button to make the atmosphere HOT

Pura andar gaya

2009-05-12T06:04:00.001-07:00

BOY: Pura andar gaya?

Girl: Ouch..Ha

Boy: Zyada laag to nahi raha na?

Girl: Ha thoda thoda..

BOy: Oye inko 8 number wala juta dikha

kissing a lion

2009-05-12T06:03:00.001-07:00

A lady was kissing a lion inside a cage in circus..
Ring master asked can anyone do this?

Sardar: Sala larki se darta kaun hai,
main aata hun lekin pehlay Lion ko hata do.

Teacher asks

2009-05-12T06:00:00.002-07:00

Teacher asks children,what do u wish 2 do in future?

Vinod: I want to be a doctor.

Deepa: I want to be a good mother.

Ravi: I want to help Deepa

13 sal se pehle bachha

2009-05-12T06:00:00.001-07:00

Kunal : Mam ladkiyo ko 13 sal se pehle bachha nahi hota na?

Mam : Ha beta..

Kunal: To apni beti ko samjhaiye faltu me dar rahi he

Kitne bhai behen

2009-05-12T05:58:00.002-07:00

Boy : Kitne bhai behen ho?
Girl: Six
Boy:Maa Baap ko aur koi kaam nhi tha kya?

Girl:Tum kitne ho
Boy: One
Girl: Baap me dam nahi tha kya?

gharwale mana kar rahe hai.

2009-05-12T05:58:00.001-07:00

Boyfriend to Girlfriend: Darling main tumse shaadi nahi kar sakta gharwale mana kar rahe hai.

Girlfriend: Tumhare ghar mein kaun kaun hai?

Boyfriend: Ek biwi aur 3 bacche…

karam foot gaye

2009-05-12T05:57:00.001-07:00

Patni(Pati se) : Hai re mere to karam foot gaye,

jo tumhare palle bandi,Varana mujhe to ek se

badkar ek yogya var mil rahe the.

Pati(Dukhi Hokar) : Han wo sach much yogya thei,

jo tumhare fande me fansane se bach gai.

20 saal ki Larki

2009-05-12T05:56:00.001-07:00

SIR: Tum 20 saal ki Larki se shadi kro ge ya apne se 20 saal bari se?

Student: Sir! Depend karta hai ke kon zayada Khoobsurat hai.

Aapki Beti ya apki Biwi.

Shaadi ke pehle

2009-05-12T05:55:00.000-07:00

Shaadi ke pehle ladki: Darling tum nahi toh main nahi… Aur main nahi toh tum nahi!

Shaadi ke baad ladki: Aaj ya toh tu nahi ya main nahi!!

Bus aur Ladki

2009-05-12T05:54:00.000-07:00

Boy: Bus aur Ladki aik jaisi hoti hain,
1 jaati hai to doosri aa jati hai.

Girl: Rikshaw aur Ladkey ek jaisay hotay hain,
1 ko bulao 4 chale aate hain.

pehle istemal karo

2009-05-12T05:53:00.000-07:00

Ladka Shadi ke liye ladki dekhne gaya,
usne ladki se pucha,

Ladka: Tumpe me Vishwas kaise karu?
Ladki Boli: pehle istemal karo phir vishwas karo.

Sarkar Se competition

2009-05-12T05:52:00.000-07:00

Jailor-Tum kis zurm mai andar aye ho

Qaidi-Sarkar Se competition ho gaya tha

Jaiol-Kis baat ka

Qaidi-Note chap-ne ka

2 Aadmi kabristan me

2009-05-12T05:51:00.000-07:00

2 Aadmi kabristan me
1 bola: Ye log bade Aaram se sote hai

1 Murda kabra se utha or bola: Kyo na soye
Yeh jagah Jaan dekar hasil ki hai

Pagal khane me

2009-05-12T05:50:00.000-07:00

Pagal khane me pagal nach rhe the
In me se 1 pagal khamosh baitha tha

Dr.ne pucha :tum q khamosh baithe ho ?

Pagal ne kaha : bewaquf mai Dulha hu....

ladka mar gaya

2009-05-12T05:49:00.000-07:00

Ek 16 saal ka ladka mar gaya..

Uski maa boli- isnei toh abhi duniya bhi nahi dekhi.

1 ladki boli- aunty aap chinta nat karo maine dikha di thi.

wife husband joke

2009-05-12T05:48:00.002-07:00

Wife : Kal rat tum nind me muje galiya de rahe the

Husband : Tumhe galat-fehmi hui hai.

Wife : Kaisi galat-fehmi?

Husband : Yehi ki me nind me tha

Mobile hai?

2009-05-12T05:48:00.001-07:00

Ek bacha paida hotay hi nurse say bola: Mobile hai?

Nurse: Kya karo gay?

Bacha: GOD ko miss call deni hay kye khariat say pohanch gaya

Husband Wife

2009-05-12T05:46:00.000-07:00

wife: bus karo rat ke 12 baje se kar rahe ho or subah ke 8 ho chuke hai.

thake nahi?

husband: abhi to kuch nahi kiya ab to din rat karuga

q ki mere 1000 msg free hai.

Shivji khush hue

2009-05-12T00:14:00.000-07:00

Ek baar ek aadmi ne badi tapasya ki. Shivji khush hue… Prakat hue… Bole…

Puttar maang maang… kya chahiye tujhey !

Bakth utha … bola shivji mujhey to aap sirf ek guitar de do!

Shivji bole kaisa gadha hai? Unhone kaha puttar tuney badi achchi tapsya ki hai. kuch bada maang!

Wo fir bola nahi ji mujhey to aap guitar hi do!

Shivji ne phir samajhaya abey kuch dhang ka maang!

Par wo bola, nahi aap to mujhey guitar hi do!

Shivji uskey pao main gir gaye bole yaar tu kuch aur maang. guitar na maang…

Wo bola nai nai nai !! mujhey sirf guitar hi chahiye.

Ab Shivji gussey main aa gaye ..bole , abey agar guitar mere paas hota to main ye damaru kyo bajata phirta???

Doubt about Mahabharata

2009-05-12T00:12:00.000-07:00

In a remote village of India, once Masterji is teaching the Mahabharat katha to class 6 students. He is at the ‘Krishna janma’ part of it.

Masterji : “Kansa heard the akashwani that his sister’s 8th child is going to kill him. He was furious. He ordered to put Vasudev and Devki behind the bars. First son is born, and kansa kills him by poisoning… Second one is born n Kansa throws him off the mountain peak. Third one is born…

Ramu : I have a doubt (sounding nervous and confused).

Masterji : “Ramu bete, whole India does not have doubt in Mahabharata then how come you have one?”

Ramu : Masterji, if Kansa knew that Devaki’s 8th child was going to Kill him, “Why the hell did he put Vasudev and Devaki in the same cell?”

Masterji fainted.

The Taxi Driver

2009-05-12T00:11:00.000-07:00

A priest and a taxi driver both died and went to heaven. St. Peter was at the Pearly gates waiting for them.

“Come with me”, said St. Peter to the taxi driver.

The taxi driver did as he was told and followed St. Peter to a mansion. It had anything you could imagine from a bowling alley to an Olympic size pool.

“Wow, thank you”, said the taxi driver.

Next, St. Peter led the priest to a rugged old shack with a bunk bed and a little old television set.

“Wait, I think you are a little mixed up”, said the priest. “Shouldn’t I be the one who gets the mansion? After all I was a priest, went to church every day, and preached God’s word.”

“Yes, that’s true. But during your sermons people slept. When the taxi driver drove, everyone prayed!”

Dam Fish

2009-05-12T00:08:00.000-07:00

There was a boy standing on a corner selling fish. He was saying, “Dam fish for sale, dam fish for sale.”

A preacher walked up and asked why he was calling them dam fish. The kid said, “I caught them at the dam, so they’re dam fish.”

The preacher bought some, took them home and asked his wife to cook the dam fish.

His wife looked at him in bewilderment and said, “Preachers aren’t supposed to talk like that.”

The preacher explained why they were dam fish, and she agreed to cook them. When dinner was ready and everyone was sitting down, the preacher asked his son to pass him the dam fish.

His son replied, “That’s the spirit dad. Pass me the f*%$ing potatoes!!!!”

kidney churai hai

2009-05-11T00:05:00.001-07:00

Patient to Nurse: I Love You. Tumne mera dil chura liya hai!

Nurse: Chal hat jhute, humne to teri kidney churai hai !!

Jhoot pakarne wali machine

2009-05-11T00:02:00.000-07:00

Ek dost dusre dost se: “Kya, tumne jhoot pakarne wali machine dekhi hai?

Doosra dost: Deki nahi mere paas mein hai! Are maine to usse shadi ki hai.”

Still got the axe

2009-05-11T00:00:00.000-07:00

Teacher: “George Washington not only chopped down his father’s Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his father didn’t punish him ?”

One Student: “Because George still had the axe in is hand.”

Aishwarya Rai’s movie Bride & Prejudice

2009-05-10T23:59:00.000-07:00

fter a great success of Aishwarya Rai’s movie Bride & Prejudice all over the world, Indian government wanted a special postage stamp with her picture on it to recognize her.

Government stress that it should be world class. The stamps were released, and Indian Government & Aishwarya Rai both were pleased.

But within a couple of days, began hearing complaints that the stamp was not sticking properly, and became furious.

Indian Government ordered CBI to investigate the matter. CBI checked out at several post offices, and then reported to the Government Officials that:

“The stamp is really world class. The problem is, all the peoples are licking on the wrong side of the stamp.”

America mein WAAR

2009-05-10T23:58:00.001-07:00

Robert: America mein WAAR ho gaya boss!!!
Ajit: U.S mein kyaa rakhaa hai Bloody Fool!!! India mein roz “WAAR” hota hai.

Bolo kaise???

Robert: Nahin maaloom Boss!!!
Ajit: Arre ulloo!!! SOMWAAR, MANGALWAAR, BUDHWAAR…

Buri niyat wale gayab!

2009-05-10T23:56:00.000-07:00

Ek Devta ka mandir tha jisme buri niyat wale gayab ho jata tha.

Salman gaya aur gayab ho gaya, Shahrukh gaya aur who bhi gayab ho gaya.

Mallika Sherawat gayi aur bhagwan gayab ho gaya!

Jab Gabber paida hua

2009-05-10T23:54:00.000-07:00

Jab Gabber paida hua to uski maan ne usse 3-4 thappad lagaye.

Gabber’s Father: Kya baat ho gayi?

Mother: Kambakht paida hote hi pooch raha tha KITNE AADMI THEY…

John Abraham

2009-05-10T22:48:00.000-07:00

John Abrahim was driving down the street in a sweat because he

had an important meeting and couldn’t find a parking place.

Looking up toward heaven, he said “Lord, take pity on me.

If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the

rest of my life and give up tequila.”

Miraculously, a parking place appeared.

John looked up again and said,

“Never mind. I found one.”

What a touching story

2009-05-09T00:04:00.000-07:00

There was a mosquito and a dog who loved each other a lot.

One day the mosquito got excited and gave a love bite to the dog.

The dog became emotional and returned the love bite to the mosquito.

The next day…

Mosquito died of rabies and dog died of malaria…

What a touching story!!!

A big hunter

2009-05-09T00:03:00.001-07:00

A big Hunter in a party talking about his hunting career and told, “Yes I used to shoot tigers in Africa.” The listeners protested saying there are no tigers on that continent.

The Hunter replied, “Of course I shot them all.”

Talking dog for sale

2009-05-08T23:59:00.000-07:00

This guy sees a sign in front of a house “Talking Dog for Sale.” He rings the bell and the owner tells him the dog is in the back yard. The guy goes into the back yard and sees a mutt sitting there.

“You talk?” he asks.

“Yep,” the mutt replies.

“So, what’s your story?”

The mutt looks up and says, “Well, I discovered this gift pretty young and I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA about my gift, and in no time they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, cause no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping.

I was one of their most valuable spies eight years running.

“The jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn’t getting any younger and I wanted to settle down. So I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security work, mostly wandering near suspicious characters and listening in.

I uncovered some incredible dealings there and was awarded a batch of medals. Had a wife, a mess of puppies, and now I’m just retired.”

The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog. The owner says “Ten dollars.”

The guy says he’ll buy him, but asks the owner, “This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him for $10?”

The owner replies, “He’s such a liar.”

Adopted

2009-05-08T23:58:00.001-07:00

Deep within a forest, a little turtle began to climb a tree. After hours of effort, he reached the top, jumped into the air waving his front legs and crashed to the ground.

After recovering, he slowly climbed the tree again, jumped, and fell to the ground.

The turtle tried again and again, while a couple of birds sitting on a branch watched his sad efforts.

Finally, the female bird turned to her mate. “Dear,” she chirped, “I think it’s time to tell him he’s adopted.”

Expecting A Baby

2009-05-08T01:37:00.000-07:00

For weeks a six-year old lad kept telling his first-grade teacher about the baby brother or sister that was expected at his house.

One day the mother allowed the boy to feel the movements of the unborn child. The six-year old was obviously impressed, but made no comment. Furthermore, he stopped telling his teacher about the impending event.

The teacher finally sat the boy on her lap and said, “Tommy, whatever has become of that baby brother or sister you were expecting at home?”

Tommy burst into tears and confessed, “I think Mommy ate it!”

Birth Control Pills

2009-05-08T01:36:00.000-07:00

An elderly woman went to her local doctor’s office and asked to speak with her doctor. When the receptionist asked why she was there, she replied, “I’d like to have some birth control pills.”

Taken back, the doctor thought for a minute and then said, “Excuse me, Mrs. Glenwood, but you’re 80 years old. What would you possibly need birth control pills for?”

The woman replied, “They help me sleep better.”

The doctor considered this for a second, and continued… “How in the world do birth control pills help you sleep?”

The woman said, “I put them in my granddaughter’s orange juice, and I sleep better at night.”

Medical Joke

2009-05-08T01:28:00.000-07:00

An old man goes to the doctor for his yearly physical, his wife tagging along. When the doctor enters the examination room, he tells the old man, "I need a urine sample, a stool sample and a sperm sample."

The old man, being hard of hearing, looks at his wife and yells: "WHAT?"

"What did he say? What's he want?"

His wife yells back, "He needs your underwear."

Qualities in wives

2009-05-06T22:15:00.000-07:00

Men want 3 qualities in wives:

Economist in kitchen,
artist in home & devil in bed.

But they get artist in kitchen,
devil in home & economist in Bed.

Married for years

2009-05-06T22:12:00.000-07:00

New married Bride to new husband: “When we get to the motel, lets act like we have been married for years.”

New Husband, “Alright, you carry the bags.”

Kab tak khaoge…

2009-05-06T22:10:00.000-07:00

Shaadi mein ek pathan bahut der tak khana kha raha tha.

Kisi ne poocha kab tak khaoge?

Pathan: Mein toh khud kha-kha ke dukhi hoon, Per kya karon card mein likha tha Dinner 7 PM to 10 PM.

Marriage advice

2009-05-06T22:08:00.000-07:00

One friend asked to another friend, “What will you advise your children about marriage?”

Another friend replied, “I will never marry in my life and I will give same advice to my children also.”

Country politicians

2009-05-06T22:04:00.000-07:00

A busload of politicians were driving down a country road, when suddenly the bus ran off the road and crashed into an old farmer’s barn.

The old farmer got off his tractor and went to investigate. Soon he dug a hole and buried the politicians. A few days later, the local sheriff came out, saw the crashed bus and asked the old farmer where all the politicians had gone.

The old farmer told him he had buried them.

The sheriff asked the old farmer, “Lordy, were they ALL dead?”

The old farmer said, “Well, some of them said they weren’t, but you know how them crooked politicians lie.“

India can never win agianst Australia…

2009-05-05T22:20:00.000-07:00

India can never win against Australia…

Know why?

Its all in name

IN-DIA & AUSTRA-LIA

Phone Call for Sehwag

2009-05-05T22:18:00.000-07:00

Indian Team Manager : “Hello”(over Phone)
Wife : “Can I talk to Sehwag, this is his wife.”

Indian Team Manager : “Sorry,he is just going to bat”
Wife : “No Problem Manager, I will Hold on“

Facts about Indian cricket team!!!

2009-05-05T22:16:00.000-07:00

What did the spectator miss when he went to the toilet?
-The entire Indian Innings.

*Where do Indian batsmen perform there best?
-In Advertisements.

*When would Agarkar have 100 runs against his name?
-When he is bowling.

*What is the most proficient form of footwork displayed by Indian batsmen?
-The walk back to the pavilion.

*How to increase the chances of Indian batsmen playing out the entire 50
overs?
-Try giving them two innings to begin with, then try three and so on.

*What is the Indian version of a hat-trick?
-3 runs in 3 balls.

*What is the height of optimism ?
-Sehwag coming out to bat applying sunscreen on his face.

Dailed the wrong number

2009-05-05T22:14:00.001-07:00

A Husband makes a call to the Hospital to know about his pregnant Wife.

But accidentally the call went to a Cricket stadium.

He asked ” What is the condition?”

He fainted after What he heard….

Guess What the reply was??

It is…
7 are already out…
3 more will be out by Lunch…
and…
The First one was a DUCK…

She was my wife

2009-05-05T22:12:00.000-07:00

Two men are playing golf one day. As they are about to start one of the holes, a funeral procession goes by on the road beside the course.

One of the golfers, Harry, takes off his cap and stands with his cap to his chest, and waits for the entire procession to go by. He then puts his cap back on and proceeds to tee off.

“Gee Harry, that was a very nice gesture on your part. It was very thoughtful and respectful of you to do that,” his friend says.

“Well,” Harry replies, “I was married to her for 30 years, it was the least I could do.”

Be quite at church

2009-05-04T23:21:00.001-07:00

A Sunday school teacher asked the children just before she dismissed them to go to church, “and why is it necessary to be quiet in church?”

Little Johnny replied, “Because we must not disturb people while sleeping.”

God is missing

2009-05-04T23:20:00.001-07:00

There were two brothers at aged 12 & 8. They were so naughty and always people comes with complain to their parents. Parents became very fed-up and they have taken them to the mental doctor.

Doctor firstly call 12 years boy and asked him “Tell me where is god?” The boy keep himsilence. Then doctor again with loud voice asked him “Tell me where is God?”.

The boy suddenly ran away and went to his home and hide himself in his cloth cupboard.

When another brother saw that he also ran away after him and reached to the home and asked “Brother what doctor asked you and why you ran away?”

The elder brother said, “God is missing and everybody thinking that we did it”

Doorbell bajao aur bhago

2009-05-04T23:19:00.001-07:00

Ek chota baccha bahut der se ghar ke bahar khada darwaje ki ghanti bajane ki kosish kar raha tha.Toh ek budha aadmi aaya aur kaha:

Budha aadmi: Kya kar rahe ho beta?

Baccha: Uncle, yeh ghanti bajana chahta hoon.

Budha aadmi (ghanti bajake): Yeh lo bajgaya, ab kya hai?

Baccha: Ab bhago!

My marble

2009-05-04T23:18:00.001-07:00

Two boys were playing marble and suddenly rushed to the hospital.

Smaller boy told to the doctor, “I have swallowed a marble.”

Doctor: “I see, Is this your brother with you?” asked to the older boy.

The other boy replied “No, I own the marble.”

Bada kab ho jaunga

2009-05-04T23:16:00.000-07:00

Beta papa se: Papa main itna bada kab ho jaunga ki mummy se bina poochey ghar se bahar ja sakoo.

Papa thandi saans lete hue: Beta, itna bada toh abhi main bhi nahi hua hoon.

How does a scooter run?

2009-05-04T00:24:00.000-07:00

In an interview,

Interviewer : How does a scooter run?
Santa : Dhhuuuurrrrrrrrrr………….

Interviewer shouts : Stop it!!
Santa : Dhhuurrrr dhupp dhupp dhupp dhupp……………

Birthday cake

2009-05-04T00:22:00.000-07:00

Banta wants to celebrate his wife’s birthday by throwing a party. So he goes to order a birthday cake.

The salesman asks him what message he wants to put on the cake.

Well he thinks for a while and says:

Let’s put, “you are not getting older you are getting better”.

The salesman asks, “How do you want me to put it?”

Sardar says, Well put “You are not getting older”, at the top and You are getting better” at the bottom.

The real fun didn’t start until the cake was opened the entire party watched the message decorated on the cake:

“You are not getting older at the top, you are getting better at the bottom”.

Santa and Banta on bus

2009-05-04T00:18:00.000-07:00

Santa and Banta are waiting at a bus stop, when a bus pulls up and opens the door.

Banta leans inside and asks the driver, “Will this bus take me to Chandigarh?”

The bus driver shakes his head and says, “No, I’m Sorry.”

At this Santa leans inside, smiles and twitters, “Will it take ME,plzzz?”

Mujhse shaadi karogi

2009-05-02T02:01:00.000-07:00

Santa proposing a girl: Darling kya tum mujse shadi karogi?

Girl: Tameez se baat karo.

Santa: Behan ji, kya aap mujhse shaadi karogi?

Full disk

2009-05-02T01:59:00.000-07:00

Santa and Banta work in a software company
. One day, they were to move their m/cs to another building. Banta was having a tough time carrying his machine.

Santa : “My m/c has 500 MB disk. See how easily I am carrying it. Yours has just 250 MB. Can’t you carry even this much?”

Banta : “But yours is empty and my disk is full”!!!

Watch less T.V

2009-05-02T01:58:00.001-07:00

While visiting Santa’s house, Banta noticed that he had replaced his usual TV with a smaller model.

Thinking that perhaps the larger set has broken down, Banta asked why the small one was there.

“Oh,” Santa replied, “I have decided to watch less T.V.”

Machcharo ko ullu banaya

2009-05-02T01:55:00.000-07:00

Ek sardar doosre se keh raha hai ke “Maine machcharo ko ullu banaya !”

Second Sardar: “Kaise?“

First says: Maine mosquito coil mere bajuke room mein lagaya aur main apne room mein soya. ha ha ha ha…..

Black tie party

2009-05-01T00:14:00.001-07:00

A Sardar received an invitation, to a party
which said “Black Tie Only”!!

When he went to the party he was surprised to
find the other invitees wearing trousers and shirts
as well !!!!

Timing Is Everything

2009-05-01T00:08:00.000-07:00

A guy shows up late for work. The boss yells, “You should’ve been here at 8:30!”

The guy replies, “Why? What happened at 8:30?”

Bahar wali ghatna

2009-05-01T00:04:00.001-07:00

Employee: Sir aap meri salary bada dijiye, meri shaadi ho gayi hai.

Boss: Factory ke bahar hone wale dur-ghatna ke liye factory jimmedar nahi hoti.

Pay your tax

2009-05-01T00:01:00.001-07:00

Income tax officer gave tips to a young lady, “You should pay your income tax with smile.”

The lady replied, “I have tried it thrice, but every time they insist on cash or cheque.”

Secret of success

2009-04-30T23:57:00.000-07:00

A very successful partner in a big firm had a peculiar habit. He would go to his desk everyday, open a locked drawer, look inside, lock the drawer again, and start his work. This continued for many days.

His subordinates knew that he hid the secret of his success in the drawer, they waited for the opportunity.

Then, one day when the partner had gone out of the city, the juniors decided to make a break.

They broke into the drawer, breathlessly, and looked inside. There was one small piece of paper inside - it said - “Left is debit and right is credit.”

Making money

2009-04-29T23:58:00.001-07:00

A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money. The old guy fingered his worsted wool vest and said, “well, son, it was 1932. The depth of the great depression. I was down to my last nickel.”

“I invested that nickel in an apple. I spent the entire day polishing the apple and, at the end of the day, i sold the apple for ten cents.”

“The next morning, I invested those ten cents in two apples. I spent the entire day polishing them and sold them at 5:00 pm for 20 cents. I continued this system for a month, by the end of which I’d accumulated a fortune of $1.37.”

“Then my wife’s father died and left us two million dollars.”

My Hearing is Perfect

2009-04-29T23:56:00.000-07:00

A man was telling his neighbor, “I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it’s state of the art. It’s perfect.”

“Really,” answered the neighbor . “What kind is it?”

“Twelve thirty.”

Old man don’t eat peanut

2009-04-29T23:53:00.000-07:00

An old man and a young man work together in an office. The old man always has a jar of peanuts on his desk, and the young man really loves peanuts.

One day, while the old man is away from his desk, the young man yields to temptation and scarfs down over half of the contents of the jar. When the old man returns, the young man feels guilty and confesses to his crime.

“Don’t worry, son. I never eat the peanuts anyway,” the old man replies. “Since I lost my teeth, all I can do is gum chocolate off the M&M’s.”

Father’s business

2009-04-29T23:09:00.001-07:00

Teacher asked to the student: What is your father doing?

Student replied: “Furniture sale business.”

Then teacher asked again: “How is your father business going on?”

Student answered, “Very Well ! We have now only our bed at home.”

This is not fair

2009-04-29T23:07:00.001-07:00

Teacher asked to a student,”Rony if 2 & 2 makes four how is 4 & 4 ?”

Student replied, “This is not fair teacher, you always do the easy ones and leave the hard ones for me.”

Essay on milk

2009-04-29T23:05:00.001-07:00

Nutrition class teacher given home work to write 3 pages essay on milk. Next day all children bring the home work.

One boy written only one page. Then teacher asked him why he has written only one page.

The boy replied, “Teacher I have written about condensed milk.”

Darling kal jaayenge

2009-04-29T23:00:00.000-07:00

Ek teacher ne class ke students ko english ke 3 word likh ke lane ko kaha. Toh ek student apne ghar jaake mummy se poochta hai ke mujhe english ke 3 words bolo.

Toh mummy use bolti hai Shutup!

Thode der ke baad uski mummy use manane aati hai aur bolti hai “I am sorry.”

Kuch der ke baad uske papa ka phone aata hai toh uske papa uski mummy se bolte hai, “Chalo aaj hotel mein khana khate hai.” Toh uski mummy bolti hai, “Aaj nahi darling kal jaayenge”.

Yeh sare word “Shutup, Sorry aur Aaj nahi darling kal jaayenge” woh apne note book mein likh leta hai.

Doosre din uski teacher usse english ke 3 words poochti hai toh woh bolta hai Shutup!

Uski teacher usko dat ti hai toh woh bolta hai “Sorry” phir bolti hai chalo principal ke paas chalte hain toh woh bolta hai “Aaj nahi darling kal jaayenge”

Nachunga Nahin

2009-04-29T00:04:00.000-07:00

A sher is getting married in jungle. There is a big bash and all animals are dancing to the tune of loud music being played.

In a corner a chooha too is dancing.

He is asked, “Are bhai choohe, aap kyu nach rahe ho?”

“Mere chote bhai ki shadi hai…Nachunga Nahin?”

“Sher kabse aapka bhai hone laga?”

“Shadi se pehle main bhi sher tha!”, replied chooha.